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The subject of this article has not been officially released in English as of yet. As such, all information in this article is based on fan-contributed translations.
BlackHatsHat
This is a transcribed copy for the episode "The Lost Cases of Ooo". Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "N/A" Next: "The Lost Cases of Rhyboflavin"

Translated by Nightfurmoon. Adventure Time script provided by Chimarkie.

Narrator

Congratulations! You have decided to stop being a pathetic nuisance to become a worthy adversary, acquiring Black Hat Organization's villain training. Be prepared to learn what you mustn’t do with… ‘The lost cases of Ooo’

Black Hat

Welcome, filthy vermin of the abyss, dark creatures, despicable beings, INSIGNIFICANT WRETCHED—
The video cuts to static.

Black Hat

I am Black Hat, but you already know that because you all bought Black Hat Organization’s orientation video for villains, where I make fun of the Forces of Evil’s pathetic embarrassments and you give me your money!
Today we will analyze one of the most chaotic and infamous villain from the World of Ooo. A soulless and rotten… fruit!? What’s this, a lemon!? What kind of villain is this!? Is this a joke!?
At least I expected a pineapple, those are evil.
The Earl of Lemongrab comes in on a lemon horse.

Black Hat

BREAK THAT PIÑATA! I want to see its sweet organs…
A cinnamon bun falls down, looks up at the Earl of Lemongrab, and laughs nervously.

Black Hat

Euugh, how unpleasant.

Earl of Lemongrab

This castle is in unacceptable condition! UNACCEPTABLE!!!

Black Hat

The unacceptable thing here is your high-pitched voice.

Finn the Human

Yeah, like pranking him up his face!

Princess Bubblegum

Yeah, and I have the perfect prank! Come on, Finn!
She pulls on Finn's hat. He blushes.

Black Hat

FLUG! Get that out of my sight, why am I seeing signs of affection?!
Finn and Princess Bubblegum crawl into the Earl of Lemongrab's room, where he is asleep.

Black Hat

This guy is more stupid than I thought, leaving himself totally exposed, without security?! This wouldn’t have happened if he had bought Black Hat Organization’s security system.
Narrator Which is on sale! Acquire it and nobody will be able to enter your lair, not even you!
Finn and Princess Bubblegum start preparing their prank. They put earplugs into the Earl's seemingly nonexistent ears.
Black Hat That thing has ears?
Black Hat picks his seemingly nonexistent ears. A swarm of bugs come out.
The Earl's alarm clock is about to ring. As it does, the video is fast-fowarded.

Black Hat

(bored) Yes yes, okay! Proceed!
The Earl of Lemongrab reads the paper next to his bed.

Earl of Lemongrab

(puts glasses on) You… really… smell… like… dog buns… aaaaAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Black Hat

A paper?! They should’ve squeezed him or something! I’ll give an example. 5.0.5.!
(static)

Earl of Lemongrab

This is everyone then?

Peppermint Butler

Yes, all the castle staff.

Black Hat

What kind of servants are those?! They’re almost as sweet as 5.0.5.!

Earl of Lemongrab

So, which one of you was it? Who did the thing?

An ice cream person

The thing?

Earl of Lemongrab

(pulls out a note) The thing, the thing!

Peppermint Butler

Hey man, calm down! It’s just a prank man, for laughs!

Earl of Lemongrab

Prank? For laughs? 12 years dungeon. All of you, dungeon, 7 years no trials, come on, let’s move it!

Black Hat

This is ridiculous! What kind of evil monologue is that?! There must be a mistake, there has to be a real villain somewhere!
(static)

Black Hat

And now, let’s see how the screaming lemon villain faces two pieces of garbage wearing blankets.
Finn and Princess Bubblegum put sheets over themselves to dress as ghosts. They punch and knock over the Earl of Lemongrab. He starts to cry.

Black Hat

HAHAHAHA! Watch him cry! This moment is worth all my time wasted! It’s the best thing I have seen so far! (video is rewinded) AGAIN! HAHAHAAH! (the video is rewinded again) AGAIN, AGAIN! AGAIN, AGAIN! AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN—
A creepy photo is Black Hat is shown. He is drooling. In the Portuguese dub, the drool is replaced with blood. A technical difficulties card is shown as well, where Earl is threatening Cam-bot with a fish. (static)
Technical difficulties, don’t go!

Peppermint Butler

My lord, food comes from—

Earl of Lemongrab

NO! That is why I’m royal and you are serval!

Finn the Human

You ready to pour the stuff?

Princess Bubblegum

Yeah, I made it super-hot this time!

Finn the Human

Wait ‘til he opens the lid.

Peppermint Butler

Behold, a plate of mashed carrots, flav—
Peppermint Butler screams as hot sauce is accidentally poured into his left eye by Princess Bubblegum. Finn shushes him.

Black Hat

HAHAHA! Poor idiot, hahaha!

Earl of Lemongrab

Stop screaming! Why are you screaming!?

Peppermint Butler

Because I’m excited by this meal I made!

Earl of Lemongrab

Me too, I’m excited too.
The Earl of Lemongrab eats his spicy food. He vomits it on the Peppermint Butler's face.

Black Hat

(plays with a red skull) I once puked on one of my subordinates' face. (looks towards camera) Now I have Flug.
The Earl runs and falls out one of the castle's windows.

Black Hat

Beginner's mistake. Your servants should always have the first bite.
The Earl starts to eat dirt.

Peppermint Butler

He’s eating the dirt! SPICE IT NOW!

Black Hat

How humiliating… The bubblegum girl is the person with more brains in here.
Flug! Are you sure that the villain is the lemon and not the bubblegum girl?!
Earl of Lemongrab A-apple!
Finn, Princess Bubblegum, and Peppermint Butler are on a branch. The Earl jumps up to the tree and falls as he pulls down an apple.

Black Hat

Ahh, fruit cannibalism. Finally, the lemon does something depraved.
Peppermint Butler falls off the branch and into the Earl's mouth.

Black Hat

Ah! Even better, eating his subordinates…

Earl of Lemongrab

ONE MILLION YEARS DUNGEON!

Black Hat

That’s your verdict?! They only learn their lesson when they see the light at the end of the tunnel!
That’s right! Back in my day we put the goody two-shoes in front of a train on the move!

Princess Bubblegum

If I turn myself back to my real age, I can reclaim the throne.

Finn the Human

What?! No! I mean, uh.. You can do that?
Princess Bubblegum nods.

Finn the Human

Then.. Why did you wait so long?

Princess Bubblegum

Because.. Being 13 again is.. blue baloobie!

Black Hat

Clearly this girl has a perturbed mind. I would like to rip it off…

Finn the Human

Princess, I think I can help.
The other candy people trapped in the dungeon give parts of their body to Finn, who licks them and attaches it to Princess Bubblegum's head.

Black Hat

Out of all the rituals I know, this is one of the most wicked. Using pieces of your acolytes to increase your power is effective. Now, I’ll take off one of Flug’s arms.

Finn the Human

Finished.
Finn and Princess Bubblegum hug and kiss. Princess Bubblegum is an adult again.

Black Hat

BLARGH, they had to ruin it!
Hah! I heard this heart breaking.

Princess Bubblegum

YO EARL!

Earl of Lemongrab

WHAT?

Princess Bubblegum

HEY, YOU’RE FIRED, YOU BUTT!
Earl of Lemongrab UGH!
(static)

Princess Bubblegum

He was the first one of my experiments gone wrong.
(static)

Black Hat

THAT’S NOT A FAILED EXPERIMENT! I’ll show you what a failed experiment is! (video of 5.0.5. from Phase One plays)

You know NOTHING about failures and mistakes! This is truly a disgrace for the Forces—

Princess Bubblegum

bursts in through the door)Lemongrab!

Earl of Lemongrab

I am the earl!

Princess Bubblegum

Yeah?

Earl of Lemongrab

The earl, of NOTHINGGGGG!

Black Hat

I can’t be the only one that thinks that this girl is more diabolic than the lemon. She condemns him to an existence of suffering, giving life to a useless lemon.

Princess Bubblegum

WAIT!

Black Hat

Hahaha! Come on bubblegum girl! Close the door and crush that ugly lemon! Show your wicked thoughts!

Earl of Lemongrab

I am alone… (falls out the window)

Black Hat

If he hadn’t thrown himself off the window, I’d have personally done it!
The Earl of Lemongrab rips his clothes off.

Black Hat

What kind of diabolical exhibitionism is this?! How vulgar…

Crowd

No, no, we won’t go!

Princess Bubblegum

All I need is 3 healthy volunteers to move in with Lemongrab. He’s all by himself.

Black Hat

The bubblegum girl is giving us a great evil lesson. She pretends to agree with her rival’s terms, but in reality she’s sending him the trash of their society. Excellent.

Jamaica

2 things, princess!
Yo lemongrease, we’re gonna live here at Lemongrab’s now. I’m Jamaica, and this is Tuffy and Blumbooooo!

Earl of Lemongrab

Blumbo? What is that?

Blumbo

What?

Earl of Lemongrab

On Blumbo’s ears?

Jamaica

That’s his headphones!

Black Hat

A true villain would never denigrate themselves, letting some insolent preteens disrespect them like that!

Tuffy

Settle down, lemongrease!

Earl of Lemongrab

I am not grease! This is UNACCEPTABLE!

Black Hat

Ugh, that scream again. That’s it, fight for you dignity! Or what’s left of it, you imbecilic lemon.
Jamaica, Tuffy, and Blumbo are sent into a torture room. Finn and Jake try singing to them in the room, as the Earl shuts the door.

Black Hat

Such a plain torture room. There are no chains, spikes, nooses, axes—they could escape in any moment! Where’s the fun in that?! And the suffering…

Earl of Lemongrab

Maybe 10 units for trespassers.
Finn, Jake, Jamaica, Tuffy, and Blumbo are electrocuted. Jake morphs himself a giant fist and grabs onto a vent above them.

Black Hat

Ahh, music to my ears… The screams of a hero suffering always puts a smile on my face. (Black Hat looks mad while twitching his eye)

Narrator

(nervous laugh)

Princess Bubblegum

Lemongrab, stop! Please, Earl, I can help you
Earl of Lemongrab NO, NONONONONONO!

Black Hat

Bratty lemon! It’s not your creator’s fault that you’re an incompetent, badly dressed crybaby that only yells intolerable shrieks!

Earl of Lemongrab

You’re poison, poison!
Finn runs out of the torture room, electrocuting himself, and jumps in front of Princess Bubblegum as the Earl of Lemongrab is shooting her with his sword. He is injured.

Black Hat

The last confrontation. Here is where a villain can retrieve their dignity. And of course, the lemon fails. I told you, they escaped.

Black Hat

Rule 42 of the manual, do not stop attacking until your enemy’s heart stops beating.
A naked clone of Lemongrab walks in.

Earl of Lemongrab

Two Lemongrabs?

Black Hat

This girl doesn’t learn from her mistakes! Creating the same hideous lemon twice?! This will probably end badly. It’s obvious that they’ll end up eating each other, hahaha…
The Earl of Lemongrab starts poking his naked clone.
This irritates my sight! (cutting and static) Where is that bubblegum girl, surely she’s doing something evil! GOOD! Good, cut their legs!
Enough! I can’t see any more of this.
Now, I’ll tell you Lemongrab’s mistakes.
Number 1: He’s a huge piece of… uh…
Lemon.
Number 2: He’s a bratty crybaby.
Number 3: He didn’t hire Black Hat Organization’s service. Clearly there was a mistake here. His creator is the one with a malicious wit, not that silly lemon!
The Earl of Lemongrab's file is stamped "DEPLORABLE".
Black Hat What kind of a villain without class have I just witnessed?! There’s only one thing you can do with a villain like this!
A live-action version of Black Hat juices the Earl of Lemongrab's head. The Earl is screaming.

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